Self-Regulation, Self-Soothing, and Self-Reward: Building Blocks of Emotional Well-Being
At Mended Feather, we believe in healing through the connection of mind, body, and spirit. As adults, many of us move through life on autopilot—juggling responsibilities, navigating stress, and striving toward long-term goals. Along the way, we also carry wounds from trauma that can leave us feeling stuck, dysregulated, or unable to follow through on what matters most. Trauma can take many forms, and I usually categorize it into two types:
Little “t” trauma (subtle but still impactful experiences):
1. Ongoing criticism from a parent or supervisor that erodes self-esteem.
2. Repeated experiences of social rejection or exclusion (e.g., bullying).
Big “T” trauma (events that overwhelm one’s sense of safety and security):
1. Surviving a serious car accident.
2. Experiencing physical or sexual assault.
Daily stress and trauma triggers can keep us in cycles of dysregulation, procrastination, or emotional overwhelm. At Mended Feather, we help individuals identify the core issues that create these stuck patterns. When a person can release what no longer serves them—emotionally, physically, or spiritually—it becomes far easier to access tools like self-regulation, self-soothing, and self-reward. These practices are not just coping skills; they are ways of aligning the whole self—mind, body, and spirit—toward healing and growth.
Self-Regulation: The Foundation of Emotional Control
Self-regulation is our ability to monitor and adjust thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in line with our values and goals. It allows us to resist unhelpful impulses, stay focused under stress, and recover from setbacks. Research has consistently shown that strong self-regulation skills are linked to resilience, better health, and stronger interpersonal relationships (Baumeister & Vohs, 2007). At Mended Feather, we go deeper—helping clients uncover the underlying wounds or belief patterns that disrupt their regulation. When those core issues are released, regulating the mind, body, and spirit becomes more natural and sustainable.
Self-Soothing: Calming the Nervous System
When stress escalates, the body often reacts before the mind has time to catch up. Self-soothing is the practice of intentionally calming the nervous system and restoring a sense of safety and equilibrium. This can involve deep breathing, grounding exercises, movement, or connecting with spiritual practices such as gratitude or compassion. Evidence from mindfulness research shows that self-soothing strategies reduce physiological arousal and promote healthier emotion regulation (Arch & Craske, 2006). By addressing the underlying sources of dysregulation, Mended Feather helps clients learn not only how to self-soothe but also how to trust their body and spirit as allies in the process.
Self-Reward: Reinforcing Growth and Motivation
Too often, adults overlook the importance of celebrating their progress. Self-reward is a vital practice that strengthens motivation and reinforces positive behaviors. It may involve small treats, moments of rest, or affirmations of self-worth. Early behavioral research demonstrated the effectiveness of self-reward strategies in sustaining long-term change (Kaftarian & Senter, 1985). At Mended Feather, we encourage intentional self-reward not just as a motivational tool, but as a spiritual practice of self-compassion and gratitude—recognizing the sacredness of growth, no matter how small the step.
Bringing It All Together: Mind, Body, Spirit Healing
Self-regulation, self-soothing, and self-reward are interconnected practices that support healing and growth. But they become most powerful when paired with the courage to explore and release the deeper issues that keep us stuck. At Mended Feather, our work begins with identifying those core wounds—then we guide individuals in aligning mind, body, and spirit so that these practices flow naturally. By combining release with regulation, soothing, and reward, people can create a resilient framework for living with greater clarity, peace, and fulfillment.
References
Arch, J. J., & Craske, M. G. (2006). Mechanisms of mindfulness: Emotion regulation following a focused breathing induction. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(12), 1849–1858.
Baumeister, R. F., & Vohs, K. D. (2007). Self-regulation, ego depletion, and motivation. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 1(1), 115–128.
Kaftarian, S. J., & Senter, R. J. (1985). The effects of self-reinforcement and external reinforcement on maintenance of weight loss. Addictive Behaviors, 10(1), 33–38.
